So this question could be dicy! I have heard this question so many times and it is needless to say that there’s never really a direct answer to this or maybe it depends on the angle we are looking at. However, you can do yourself so much good by asking yourself what friendship means to you.
Lets rewind to when you were single, right? Your focus wasn’t marriage; it probably wasn’t for your friends too at that time. You were free as a bird, girls night out, sleep overs, talking and gisting about boys, latest gadgets, hair and nails on fleek?
Now you are married, your focus is, making money, cooking, church, kids and more kids, but friendship doesn’t seem to be on this list, why?
You may say, I don’t want my single friends in my home, I may be inviting trouble into my home, I want to be a focused wife and mother, I can no longer hang out at night, my life has changed you say!
It has always been said that old friends are better than new ones but of course that depends on who those old friends really still mean to you or what marriage is to you? Is marriage all you have? Is that the only achievement you have made?
Who says you can’t keep your old friends and your marriage, the key thing is MODERATION. Your friends know you are now married, they would know when, where and when not to involve you in their outings or visits. Good friends always know.
Friendship shouldn’t change due to change in lifestyle; friendship is a reflection of what you are or who you have been.
While single, I had so many friends that were focused, godly, helped me achieve good grades back in school but also knew how to have fun, great fun. I never had a problem with that until it began affecting my ability to save and do things for myself. I was able to keep up for a while, go eat buffet 2 times a week with my monthly income of N30,000 then. Not to long, I had a rethink, these were good friends but I couldn’t keep up with the lifestyle, clearly we were not on the same income strengths which is totally normal and okay. This was not a function of my marital status, it was a function of my aspirations and goals.
After a while I began going for only outings I could afford, not many if you ask me. So I slowly lost most of my friends even though we kept in touch once in a while. They stopped inviting me for outings because they know I won’t show up for one reason or the other. None of it may be understood but I was honest with myself instead of trying to displease myself to please my friends.
Then I got married, these friends I thought I lost, they came through. You know why? I didn’t cut off just because I was getting married! Till today, those friends I hold dear even though we don’t talk every day.
Those single friends probably bought your asoebi, planned your bridal shower maybe, made sure you were ready for your big day, then all of a sudden you are married all that changes?
They remained my friends and I still call them my friends because their lifestyle may have limited me, but they impacted my life in bigger ways than what I see them. If they have functions today and I can afford it, I will not turn them down for anything in this world even though I am married!
What kind of friends are your friends, what kind of person are you too? What is your aim in friendship? Do your friends push you to be better; are at least most of your interests common and similar? These questions answer if you should keep your single friends or have new married ones but having new friends should never be a function of your marital status but it should be as a result of personal goals and objectives.
Written By: Morolake Ajimisinmi Ihenyen
Photo Credit: Maro Sokream